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12 January 2011

The Crazies (1973)

I've been tricked! That'll teach me not to do my homework! I just watched the DVD of George Romero's 'The Crazies'. To the casual observer this DVD may look fairly modern, but don't be fooled; Although the cover was made in 2010, the film is very much a product of the early 1970s! Oh... I didn't see that one coming! Kerching!

Okay, I'm going to pretend that the last 37 years or so didn't happen. Let's see if I can get excited about this film for a bit.

Imagine a lethal virus being unleashed on a small American town. Suddenly the army appears and the place is put under Martial Law. Should they try to contain it or nuke it to Kingdom Come? Yawn.

After the haircuts, what struck me immediately about this film was the terrible quality of the sound. It's so tinny. And everyone in the film just shouts their way through their lines. It's a bloody nightmare! Am I sounding old? Well I don't care Junior!

And what about the virus? It's called 'Trixie'. Ha ha! I think I'd be more inclined to call it 'Simpleton'... Or perhaps 'the Numptie Virus', because that's what it turns you into. Some people had a bit of an agressive moment, but generally this bad boy just has you chewing grass and winking at the cows.

I'm still at a loss as to why this film has been rated as an 18; I've seen scarier episodes of Shaun the Sheep. Unlike Shaun the Sheep though, people do die in 'the Crazies' but I can only think that maybe it was that sort of incest scene that pushed it over the line. I don't know. I found it all a bit tame really. Perhaps it was all the shouting that did it?

I did like the scene with the President. The guys in the smokey back office have video-conferenced him in to appraise him of the situation and warn him that they may need his okay to use the Nuke. Now remember that this would have been cutting edge technology at the time. Well, all you can see on the screen is the back of the President's head as he puffs away on a cigarette. Why didn't they just use the f*** phone? Or perhaps send him a letter? Ha ha!

You've got to love the fact that everyone's chain-smoking and swigging booze at every opportunity. Oh, happy days!

That's enough... I think I'm going Crazy...

Did you see what I did there?

'The Crazies' has its moments, but overall it's terrible. If you're into white boiler suits and gas masks, then there might be something here to grab your attention. Otherwise, I think you'll struggle to get through it.

It's retro. It's nonsense. On the Triple-B scale, I give it a knitting-needle-through-your-heart 2.

BELL-BOTTOM P-P-P-P-P-P-PANTS!!!!

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