I think I knew that this was going to be a pile of cack before I sat down to watch it.
Diary of the Dead is a George Romero film about... you guessed it... zombies. It's one of those first-person, camcorder-type affairs chronicling the Zombie Apocalypse from the survivor's point of view.
The first thing I feel duty bound to point out is that the acting is terrible. No, I mean really terrible. Even the zombies do a bad job! Was it me or did the black zombie guy actually tilt his head slightly before getting the bottle of acid smashed in his face. All that was missing was a cheeky wink at the camera.
The second thing I feel duty bound to point out is that the plot is equally terrible... If the world was coming to an end: Would anyone really spend any time at all filming it? For me the basic premise of the whole film is duff from the off. Why would anyone do it? I'm sat here scratching my head.
And another thing... I didn't find the zombies scary... at all. Whilst most were generally icky, some looked a little goofy. It was all a bit lame really.
I'm depressing myself here!
There must be something to like...
Well, there are the obligatory zombie death scenes. Romero doesn't disappoint here. He's got a handful of interesting and highly unlikely scenarios for the undead to die. Actually, I'm not sure it really works in the hand-held home movie style, but you get it anyway.
And then there's a whole heap of random stuff...
What on Earth was the point of the Amish dude? In my tiny mind, he should have been the f***ing star of the film! And if only he could have done Kung Fu, we might just have had a viable story on our hands. Yeah! Samuel the Amish Zombie-killing Ninja! Alas, it was not to be.
And does anyone believe the one about the English professor who is miraculously an expert archer? Come to think of it: He wasn't too shabby with a sword either. We never did find out if he was any good with a catapult... but I bet he would have been just great!
Oh, I give up!
On the Triple-B I give Diary of the Dead a scythe through the forehead 2. I woz robbed!
George: Hang your head in shame!