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20 August 2011

Colour-blind Unite!

Q: If roses are red and violets are blue. What colour are farts?
A: Burple!

The Ishihara Test is designed to smoke out mutants.
What number do you see in the image above?

It may come as no surprise to discover that I am colour-blind. And to be honest although I've tried over the years to explain what that means, I've never managed to come up with an explanation that I'm happy with.

Does my condition make be a mutant?

Am I a god-damned freak of nature?

Let's find out...

It's all to do with the eyes

I'd better start by explaining what causes colour-blindness. You may well have guessed that it's something to do with the eyes. And you'd be right. Colour-blindness is caused by malformed colour receptors in the eye. It's mainly genetic (i.e. you're born with it). And it's mainly men who are affected... maybe 5-10% of all men have the condition.


This is where it gets complicated. So what exactly do us gifted individuals actually see?

It is a popular misconception that I, and those like me, see no colour at all. In the past I have managed to convince certain friends that I do infact have some sort of x-ray vision. But while this is true to a certain extent, it is not the whole truth. :-)

The Resistance is growing

Another popular misconception being circulated by the "colour-sighted", is that I and my small army see in only black and white. Granted, there are a few amongst our ranks like this, but the majority see colour just like everyone else... or so I thought until this week...

I've had a bit of a revellation...

I can't see colour like everyone else!

I used to think that it was simply that I couldn't recognise as many colours, but actually I've now convinced myself that I do in fact see less colours than 'normies'.

So where the general populous sees green, red and brown as three different colours, I simply see one single colour of different shades. Noone has seen fit to name this one colour, so I will christen it now... gredown (yeah baby!).

The same is true of blue and purple. I simply see burple.

What do gredown and burple look like? Here's the closest approximation I can come up with...

I don't want your sympathy!

For your information: I am currently in my underground bunker busily perfecting a machine that will turn everyone colour-blind. Soon the world will be mine!

Ha ha ha... Haaaa!

Unite Brothers!

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