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28 September 2011

Zombie Honeymoon (2004)

"Contains strong fantasy violence and language."

What on Earth is that meant to mean?

I can't believe that I sat through this film. I can't believe that I wasted 98 minutes ("approx") of my life.

But I did!  :-)

Here comes trouble! Hooligan Pictures 2004

How's this for a slogan...
"King Uke: Watching sh*t so you don't have to!"
Sad but true.

Let me tell you a little about the plot of Zombie Honeymoon. The clue is very much in the title...

A couple of newly-weds go on honeymoon. One gets infected with a zombie-virus. It all goes horribly wrong.

I think that's about it.

Give us a kiss! Hooligan Pictures 2004

I really thought this film was going to be a comedy; The newly-weds were so unbelievably sickly with their kissy-kissy cuddling and annoying sentimental guff that it looked like a sure thing. And when the zombie-part started with the rubber special effects, I was absolutely convinced. How wrong I was. Somewhere along the way it got all serious and tried its hand at being a Horror.

I didn't see that one coming.

Only the stars' friends are more annoying than
 the stars themselves! Hooligan Pictures 2004

I'm really struggling to come up with anything good to mention about this film.

The acting is terrible. It killed the film for me. I feel like naming and shaming, but what's the point... you're never going to hear from these guys ever again.

Okay, I'll mention one person directly... David M. Wallace plays the half-wit best friend: Buddy Cooper. He had the weirdest accent I've ever heard. It was sort of American with a bit of an English lilt. Perhaps it was a failed attempt at a New Jersey accent? I really haven't got a clue. I think this character was probably meant to be a sort of likable rogue. Fail.

I've nothing good to say about the script, and I found the film-making to be flat and uninspired.

Jesus... listen to me... what a ray of sunshine!

I can explain! Hooligan Pictures 2004

There is something that is good...

The fact that the film ends is good.

Talking of the ending... it does try hard to deliver a touching finale, but to be honest, I'd lost the will to live long before this point.

What a disappointment! I hope you're not holding out for a high score...

On the Triple-B I'm going to buy a 1-way ticket to Portugal... but I'll doubt I'll bother to go.

I'd rather eat my own arm than watch this film again.

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