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13 October 2011

The Plague (2006)

I'm not sure where to start with the Plague.

I know... I'll start with the beginning...

This one's mine!
The Plague, Plague Productions 2006

The film intro is one of the slowest most boring intros I can remember watching in a long time. For some reason it starts with a load of credits... just words on a black background. The words don't even fade in and out in an interesting way. All the while there is this depressing clanking piano accompaniment... music to slit your wrists to!

Thankfully, things do get better!

But not much better...

I don't fancy your one much...
The Plague, Plague Productions 2006

When I bought this DVD at my local carboot, I knew that I was taking a bit of a risk. The front cover has a close-up of James Van Der Beek of Dawson's Creek fame. He hasn't aged a bit. I throw in the Dawson's Creek reference to fool you into thinking that I've watched it, but I don't think that I've actually made it through a single episode. It doesn't matter... I've seen enough to know that it's not my bag. I kind of got the same feeling watching this film.

Can you picture James Van Der Beek as an ex-con?

No, me either.

You might remember me from Dawsons Creek?
The Plague, Plague Productions 2006

The Plague is based upon the Clive Barker novel of the same name and opens with all of the world's children slipping into a catatonic state. Ten years later, the children are bigger, but in the same dribbling state. They can't feed themselves and need constant nursing. Things are so bad that Governments are threatening to stop child birth. Playgrounds are derelict and overgrown. Schools are shutting down. The human race is on the brink of extinction.

Sounds pretty bad doesn't it.

Kids in bed! Whatever next?
The Plague, Plague Productions 2006

There is a sort of apocalyptic feel to the Plague which reminded me of many a zombie film. Instead of zombies though, here you have children. Without wanting to reveal too much of the story, I think I'm okay to disclose that the children are the horror element in this film. I kind of like the whole idea of kids being the baddies. So tell me... are teenagers evil or just misunderstood? Hmmm... Tricky one...

The cast are pretty forgettable. The acting is iffy. Things aren't really helped by the terrible script. I found the first half to be pretty clumsy and I didn't get the ending... but that may simply be me :-)

Blow uni-brown, blow!
The Plague, Plague Productions 2006

I'm not going to spin this out any longer than it needs to be.

A wise man called Gil Scott-Heron once sang: "We gotta do something yeah... to save the children."

Well, he obviously never watched the Plague.

On the Triple-B I'm going to blow my nose 3 times and cry for my mummy. And if she comes, I'm going to stove her head in! That'll learn her...


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