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12 November 2012

Walking the Dead (2010)

"Everyone here is dead...
Every man, woman and child in this village is dead..."
What a load of tosh!

Hey butcher-boy! Are you dead?
Walking the Dead, Viewtop Pictures 2010

Imagine a small out-of-the-way town in China where the dead are resurrected by "walkers" whose job is to lead them to be buried. What would happen if one of these walkers started killing people instead? Yeah... it makes no sense at all.

I tried to watch this film the other week. That night the DVD was jumping and I gave up, choosing intead to drink a carafe of sherry in a hot-tub. Tonight, for reasons that I can't explain, the same DVD played fine... oh, but how I wish it had exploded in my hand as I stuck it into my laptop.

Hmmm... How mysterious...
Walking the Dead, Viewtop Pictures 2010

Walking the Dead is not to be confused with The Walking Dead. There are no similarities whatsoever. Nor is it to be confused with Waking the Dead or any other show starring Sue Johnston.

I honestly don't know if I can be bothered to talk about this film. I know I should, but really... It's not as if I'm getting paid for this review.

You love New York. I love Progressive Metal
Walking the Dead, Viewtop Pictures 2010

The star of the show is a failed American journalist by the name of Charles Parmer (played by Sam "funny smile" Voutas). He's given one last chance by his editor to turn his career around. All he needs to do is to get a story for the Sunday paper. How about a tale of a missing girl? Yep... that would make a great Sunday story Wouldn't it? It isn't long before Charles is on a mission to try and help mother Anna (played by Angela Tong) rescue her daughter Lin (played by Zhou Xiao Yu). If only they can avoid becoming Walking Dead themselves. Woah!

I see that Xu Dan Chao plays Ting Ting. That sounds a lot better than it was. I can't place Ting Ting. Perhaps she was the dead hooker?

Ting Ting?
Walking the Dead, Viewtop Pictures 2010

The film-making is very made-for-TV. The acting is terrible. The story is so-so. There is an interesting twist at the end, but the rest of the film had squeezed the life out of me well before then. And whilst there is some gore, there are no scares to speak of. Ah b*llocks - I can't go on anymore.

On the Triple-B I'm going to state quite clearly 1 thing, and 1 thing only... This is NOT Progressive Metal!



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